Long and Wordy

Hi Guys! I’ll forewarn you- this is going to be a very wordy post. I’m so sorry I’ve sorta been MIA for the past few days. There is a lot going on in my life right now. I know I don’t have to tell you but this is my blog/diary and damn it if I want to share it I will. :)

Ever step back from your life and examine it and sort of say to yourself- “What the fuck am I doing!?” Well that’s sorta what I’ve been doing the past few days. I’m 28 years old soon to be 29, in debt up to my eyeballs, working a day job that I despise, living with my parents, and single as a dollar bill. I’m not asking for your pity at all. I’m just venting. I don’t know how my situation has gotten so blah!
Right now I’m so confused and just don’t know where to take my life.

I love my family and I love my parents more than anything. I’m thankful for the fact that they want me to be living at home with them and that they truly appreciate all that I do for them while I’m there. I just hate the negative perception and crude remarks people (mostly coworkers) say about me living at home. It gets to the point where even though I don’t want to be I am embarrassed of almost being 30 and living with my parents again. I love having people to come home to and socialize with. Don’t get me wrong, I come and go as I please and I do what I want and they don’t mind. It’s not like I’m 16 years old living with mommy and daddy and having to answer to them. They know I have a life and they want me to live it. Living with them again actually helped me tame some of my wild and bad habits that I formed while living on my own. Why does the world have this idea that as soon as you graduate school you should never live at home again?

I’d love to move out and have a place of my own but I have sort of fallen into this big black hole of debt and my job, which I am not happy with, pays me peanuts! If I didn’t have this big ball of debt I would be able to move out, but at the rate I’m going at paying it down I’ll be at home for the rest of my life. I really need to stop shopping! I was born and raised shopping. I remember as a kid on weekends going shopping with my grandma, mom and sisters-it’s in my blood to shop! I find it fun and stress releasing…till I get home and realize what I just did. If I told you the amount of debt I was in (credit cards, student loans, car, etc)...you might faint or fall off your chair!

I know I could just get a better job that would pay more, but how do you find a job when you hate what you’re doing and hate the area you’re living in? How do you get a job when all you have is an associate’s degree? I know I could go back to school but I feel like that is taking one giant step backwards and not forward at all.  And if I did go back to get a bachelors…what the hell do I major in? I’m 28 and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. All I know is that I do not want to be working a damn desk job for the rest of my life pushing papers around. There’s something in me that I’m great at, that I could succeed at and would love to do, I just don’t know what that is yet.

Yes, incase you ever wondered, I’m single. It’s not a bad thing though- I actually really enjoy being single and free and having not to answer to anyone. I do go on the occasional date once in a while, but I’m happier just being me, being with family and friends, and doing what I want. Why and where does it say that you need someone else in your life, a partner, to complete your life and make you happy? Can’t one be happy alone? I’m sure if the right person came along my mind set would change drastically and I would want to be with that person. I just haven’t met him yet….well I did meet him once but that’s a long story that may never get told. Let me just say though watching "Dear John" made me miss him more as it was almost identical to our story

I feel like I’m standing at this HUGE intersection with so many paths to choose from that I don’t know which way to go. I wish there was a fairy that would appear and point you in the right direction and tell you this is what you need to do for the rest of your life and it will make you happy.

My point in telling you this….I had one I promise I did! I guess I just wanted you all to know that I’m here, distracted but here. I love blogging and I love my readers. I enjoy reading your comments and visiting your blogs. I just want you to know that I’m sorry my blogging has taken sort of a setback lately. Hopefully I’ll come to terms and make a decision of which path and direction I need to go. I deserve to be happy. I deserve a great life. I am in no way whatsoever looking for your pity or sympathy. I just wanted and needed to express myself and where I’ve am in my life.

10 comments:

  1. there's absolutely nothing wrong with living at home and don't let your co-workers tell you otherwise. and you don't need to know where to go, as long as you keep moving. :)
    hopefully you'll be able to figure things out soon!

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  2. I feel you where you're at. I'm 28, almost 29. Only thing is, is that I'm married and have a home.

    Good thing is, is you let me know that money doesn't equal happiness.

    I'm completely unhappy with my job and sorts as well. I've thought about going back to school, but the problem is that I can't afford it. My husband's loans are about the cost of a small apartment (and he makes less than I do!). So, I can't quit my job for sure. So, I think you should take the opportunity to go back to school if you really want to...you won't be able to down the road. I actually sometimes wish I was single and living at home so I could do that. But, now I have a house to maintain and a husband to keep happy! Not that married home-owning life is bad. It's fun, but it's a lot of responsibility that I feel like I'm too young to be dealing with!

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  3. Thanks for sharing all this Tiffany. It's very helpful to vent and I am not going to pity you at all! I have some words of support:

    I think, when you're in a lot of debt, it's only responsible for you to live with your family. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. So many people are running after a certain lifestyle, only because everyone around them is doing the same thing. Don't let what others think affect you! You make your own decisions, what's best for your situation.

    Another opinion of mine is that it's better to be single. I'm married now, but really, it adds a lot of problems, work, and responsibility. Don't believe what all the love songs and chick flicks say. Love is awesome, but don't rush into it. It's worth waiting for.

    I love shopping too! What keeps me living within my means is to not make impulse purchases, plan it out, and still allow myself a tiny bit of money each month. When it's gone, it's gone. Don't let what others have influence you, or make you feel bad.

    Sorry for the mini-speech. I hope it helps...

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  4. Thanks for venting, sharing, whatever you want to call it. First off, you're human. It's okay to feel this way. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about living at home with your parents. There are people who have horrible relationships with their family and should be lucky to have what you have with your parents. I lived at home until I got married, it was partly a cultural thing but also I love my parents and enjoy spending time with them.
    I feel how you do about shopping. Almost every weekend growing up and even know was spent at the mall with my mom, sister and grandma. I've stuggled with my shopping and debt for years. It has gotten way better, but still I feel the stress from time to time and think WTF am I doing.
    As for the job, there are sadly a lot of people out there who either hate their job or have zero passion for what they are doing. I got my degree, did nothing with it. I have a very unglamorous office job which pays horribly but I love who I work with and they are very flexible.
    Just take it one day at a time and decide what you want to go. You have your family to help you. Try to find the courage to look for other opportunities that will make you happier career wise. it's out there, you just have to find it.

    As for love, there's no right time for it. When you least expect it and if you're open to it, it will happen. But there is nothing wrong with being happy and content on your own.

    ok enough of my babbling, hope you feel a little better.
    xoxo

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  5. Most of the great ideas have been told already, I'm not sure I can add anything useful.

    However, I have to say it's a great and mostly important post, because in my experience summing up the problems might help, at least for the soul.
    I am in a somewhat similar situation - students loan, parents' house and the same "wtf am I doing" situation (I was about finishing my MA when school just delivered a blow, yay).
    I think the job topic would be the one that could help. I don't have one yet and I can see how hard it is to get one without a proper degree. If I were you, I'd focus on a new job while cutting the costs (I know it's hard especially when running a fashion blog).
    I'm not sure whether a partner would help or not. Maybe it could be helpful because it would open a new horizon, new ppl, whatever. But I really don't want to get into this.

    Bottom line is, you're not alone in a messy situation - too bad that all these people can't effectively help each other. Or can they?
    I hope your problems will fly away soon!

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  6. goodness it sounds like you have a lot to deal with...there is nothing wrong with taking some time to think things through. in fact, more than anything, it's admirable. don't worry about what other people think about your situation. they're all probably just as miserable as everyone else and have nothing better to do than criticize. happy thoughts!

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  7. I'm so proud of you for sharing this, Tiffany. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you. I'll be here, reading your blog as always, when you feel like you have gained balance.

    I can't tell you what to do. I simply don't know. I want to study everything, but I know I can't..

    Just don't rush things. Everything will happen in due time.

    xx Sophie

    http://sophieneechan.blogspot.com

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  8. Feel free to share these kinds of things. life is more than outfits, darling. And we all feel a little uncertain about our path. Don't ever let anyone else have the power to make you feel badly about your life's decisions, but don't continue to make bad decisions either. You will have to STOP shopping - gasp! I've done it at several points of time, and I LOVE to shop, but you can do it - as long as there is an end in sight. And enjoy being single - I remember it being fun. There should be no pressure to ne anything other than happy!!! I enjoy reading so keep writing.

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  9. I think it is very good to write your thoughts down - it usually helps see things a little clearer. But love, don't be sad. You have a wonderful best friend (judging from previous posts :)), you have a loving family... and with that you can achieve anything, because they will be there to support you.
    I think the hardest is to figure out what it is you want. You love fashion and shopping, but you're working a boring desk job. Well, perhaps doing the same boring job for some fashion company might make it much better? With the vision of promotion - if you are very dedicated, people will notice.
    As for nasty comments... don't mind those, you're a gorgeous woman and you're just finding yourself. Living with your parents is not a bad thing. One of my friends didn't even go to college out of town just so she could carry on living with her parents :))

    A big hug!!! <3
    fraupixiedust.blogspot.com

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  10. Hey don't worry about being single or living at home there is nothing wrong with that. I know what its like being in a job you hate! I even have a degree and believe me at this moment in time it doesnt help you one bit! If you feel there is something else you want to do with your life, go back to school. You are lucky that you do live with your parents at least you can live with them whilst studying, it takes the pressure of rent off you. I would love to go back to uni and do another degree in something more career focused but I am totally unable to do that financially at the moment as I live with my husband in our little flat in Cardiff and have no financial help from my rents. The whole financial world is in a crap state at the moment so dont worry about your debt just keep trying to but it right. I hope you keep up the blogging as I love to read it!!
    much love!
    Daisymay X
    http://daisymay-dayz.blogspot.com

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Share your thoughts with me! I love hearing from my readers! beijos-Tiffany