Hi Guys! I’ll forewarn you- this is going to be a very wordy post. I’m so sorry I’ve sorta been MIA for the past few days. There is a lot going on in my life right now. I know I don’t have to tell you but this is my blog/diary and damn it if I want to share it I will. :)
Ever step back from your life and examine it and sort of say to yourself- “What the fuck am I doing!?” Well that’s sorta what I’ve been doing the past few days. I’m 28 years old soon to be 29, in debt up to my eyeballs, working a day job that I despise, living with my parents, and single as a dollar bill. I’m not asking for your pity at all. I’m just venting. I don’t know how my situation has gotten so blah!
Right now I’m so confused and just don’t know where to take my life.
I love my family and I love my parents more than anything. I’m thankful for the fact that they want me to be living at home with them and that they truly appreciate all that I do for them while I’m there. I just hate the negative perception and crude remarks people (mostly coworkers) say about me living at home. It gets to the point where even though I don’t want to be I am embarrassed of almost being 30 and living with my parents again. I love having people to come home to and socialize with. Don’t get me wrong, I come and go as I please and I do what I want and they don’t mind. It’s not like I’m 16 years old living with mommy and daddy and having to answer to them. They know I have a life and they want me to live it. Living with them again actually helped me tame some of my wild and bad habits that I formed while living on my own. Why does the world have this idea that as soon as you graduate school you should never live at home again?
I’d love to move out and have a place of my own but I have sort of fallen into this big black hole of debt and my job, which I am not happy with, pays me peanuts! If I didn’t have this big ball of debt I would be able to move out, but at the rate I’m going at paying it down I’ll be at home for the rest of my life. I really need to stop shopping! I was born and raised shopping. I remember as a kid on weekends going shopping with my grandma, mom and sisters-it’s in my blood to shop! I find it fun and stress releasing…till I get home and realize what I just did. If I told you the amount of debt I was in (credit cards, student loans, car, etc)...you might faint or fall off your chair!
I know I could just get a better job that would pay more, but how do you find a job when you hate what you’re doing and hate the area you’re living in? How do you get a job when all you have is an associate’s degree? I know I could go back to school but I feel like that is taking one giant step backwards and not forward at all. And if I did go back to get a bachelors…what the hell do I major in? I’m 28 and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. All I know is that I do not want to be working a damn desk job for the rest of my life pushing papers around. There’s something in me that I’m great at, that I could succeed at and would love to do, I just don’t know what that is yet.
Yes, incase you ever wondered, I’m single. It’s not a bad thing though- I actually really enjoy being single and free and having not to answer to anyone. I do go on the occasional date once in a while, but I’m happier just being me, being with family and friends, and doing what I want. Why and where does it say that you need someone else in your life, a partner, to complete your life and make you happy? Can’t one be happy alone? I’m sure if the right person came along my mind set would change drastically and I would want to be with that person. I just haven’t met him yet….well I did meet him once but that’s a long story that may never get told. Let me just say though watching "Dear John" made me miss him more as it was almost identical to our story
I feel like I’m standing at this HUGE intersection with so many paths to choose from that I don’t know which way to go. I wish there was a fairy that would appear and point you in the right direction and tell you this is what you need to do for the rest of your life and it will make you happy.
My point in telling you this….I had one I promise I did! I guess I just wanted you all to know that I’m here, distracted but here. I love blogging and I love my readers. I enjoy reading your comments and visiting your blogs. I just want you to know that I’m sorry my blogging has taken sort of a setback lately. Hopefully I’ll come to terms and make a decision of which path and direction I need to go. I deserve to be happy. I deserve a great life. I am in no way whatsoever looking for your pity or sympathy. I just wanted and needed to express myself and where I’ve am in my life.