The Whole Truth

goes on
I've been trying to figure out what to say in this post for weeks now. Do I share the whole truth with you or do I just say "sorry I've been absent from the blog for months" and move on from there. You have been with me for a while and you've seen/read my many ups and downs in life and I thought that you deserved to know the whole truth. It's a hard thing to come to terms with but once I admitted it to myself and recognized the problem it made it easier for me to try and get better. The past few months I have been severely depressed. I didn't realize how depressed I was until the day I told my mother that I finally got a new job. Her reply to me will always echo in my mind. She said, "Is that why I finally see a smile on your face that I haven't seen in months."

I never realized how much a job could affect ones mood, spirit, and personality. Things I loved to do and work on (like the blog) felt like the biggest chore in the world. When I first started my day job I loved it. I loved the people I worked with, the environment, and my boss. He was a man of few words but when he spoke I learned a lot of valuable lessons. But after a few months in the position my boss was asked to step down (health reasons) and I got a new boss. I was very hesitant at first about this transition but told myself to give it a year. I made it 9 months but every day was worse than the last. Every morning I had to talk myself into getting ready; I had to physically make myself drive to work and keep from turning around and heading home; my eyes were constantly twitching from the stress; all I wanted to do was eat and sleep; and whenever this new boss walked in to the office I would get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was good at putting on a front for a while but a situation like this takes a lot out of you. 

9 weeks ago I accepted a new position and when this happened it was like a fire was ignited in me and I woke up. I am now realizing that because of this depression pieces of my life had fallen that I never meant to let go. I bought my first house and should have been over the moon with excitement. I never in a million, billion years could have imagined owning my own place and it was always a dream that I thought was unattainable. Instead of being excited about the house all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and hide. I pushed the blog and some friendships to the side; my eating habits got a little out of control; and the house became this burden and chore that I needed to work on but no longer was excited about-I didn’t even want to move in! 

Since I started my new position and found that spark that was once gone I’m slowly picking up the pieces and putting my life back together. Getting back to "me" will be process that will take some time but I'm ready. Every day I'm a little happier than the day before and I now find myself wanting to get up and go to work. I finally moved into my house and am having so much fun decorating and putting the finishing touches on it; I started to exercise again and started to eat a little healthier; and I’m trying to reach out to friends again. Writing this post is actually proving to myself how much I've grown in the past few weeks. I would have never been able to share all of this with you then.

The last piece that I need to fix is the blog but this leaves me confused. Because of the house I no longer have money to spend on new "on trend" pieces. I can't even afford new shoes! Instead I've been trying to rework items in my closet that you have already seen on the blog. My readership has gone WAY down and the sponsors I once had have moved on to the next blogger. I'm torn with the decision to keep this blog or finally let it rest in peace. The question I keep asking myself is would readers want to see me wearing and styling items they can no longer get their hands on, and will they get tired of seeing the same pieces over and over. It's a decision that I'm struggling to answer so I thought I should just go slow with the blog and treat it as a diary for myself. It might continue to be about fashion or it might take a whole new direction. I might post every day or I might just post once a week. I have to do what feels right for me.

I don't want you to think I'm telling you all of this for hope of a pity party. I in no way want a pity party. Over the past few months I've had many people ask me what happened to the blog or what was going on with me. So I am telling you all of this because I think you deserve to know the whole, unsugar coated, truth. I also want those who might be feeling a little depressed or not quite like themselves to know that they are not alone. You hear me? You are not alone and you are not the only one who gets depressed! Life happens and sometimes people aren't as strong as they would like and they fall. What is important is to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start trying to move forward. 
Life will go on.
tiffanysig
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7 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing. I too have been in a similar situation (job wise) that I have let have such a negative effect on every other aspect of my life. I'm trying my best to make the best out of the situation as I slowly find my way out. It's so mentally and physically taxing, so I wholeheartedly can relate with you. Cheers to your new job and getting to a better place!

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  2. Major kudos to you for being so open and honest. I'm so glad to hear that you're happier and that you're in a better place career-wise! I think where you go with the blog is ultimately up to you. If it's something that brings you more joy than stress, stick with it. There are many people who can't afford to buy new clothes all the time, so showing them how to be more creative with what they have would be super helpful. Sending hugs!

    xo
    Sam

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  3. So happy to read this, Tiffany...and so proud of you for putting it out there and being transparent. I think you should do what feels right (with the blog) and no matter what you decide, I will keep coming back! Love you, girl!! xo

    www.pennypincherfashion.com

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  4. i am so sorry that you felt so terrible for so long, but happy to hear that things are looking up. i don't have money either and am often unable to buy on-trend pieces but i still blog! if you want to, you can make a go of remixing styles, thrifting styles, etc. people would still read! the best thing if to focus on your health, though!
    kw ladies in navy

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  5. Thank you for sharing! I can relate as well. I agree with the commenters above- there's a real opportunity in this economy for bloggers who show us how to work with what we have, instead of endless 'what I'm coveting now' posts. The first few years of my marriage, my husband's employment was very spotty- he picked right before 2008 to try to completely change careers! I'd read the fashion blogs and store up inspiration for later.

    Now he has a great job that involves a lot of travel. With the still-recent memory of how uncertain times can affect employment, I'm trying very hard to not get carried away now we can afford to hit the sales :) I'm very interested in how people are going to be making chevron stripes, mint and coral look relevant next year- I actually avoid trends like that because they're relatively short-lived.

    Also, we'd love to see how you decorate your house :) Maybe make it a lifestyle blog? Just throwing ideas out there...

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  6. I really enjoyed reading your post. Tiffany. Glad to hear you're feeling good again! I can definitely relate to what you've been through. I also went through a horrible career situation that left me completely numb and depressed. My husband and I have 3.5 year-old twins and lost our jobs within a month apart. Absolutely horrible situation. I started blogging in 1996 - you may know of my site, FashionJunkie.com, my complete life line. My depressed state preventing me from blogging and I no longer enjoyed all of my favorite pastimes. All I did for one year was shop - drained my savings on frivolous items that I never needed. Pathetic, I know. Anyway, just wanted to chime in and say that you have definitely inspired me to look at the positive and be happy with what I have. Keep blogging, keep smiling and take it day by day. xo Fashion Junkie (a.k.a. Dara)

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  7. Thanks for sharing! I understand the need to take a break and appreciate the transparency! I am new here, so to see this post as my first reflection of you makes me feel amazing about you as a blogger. I'm now following, perhaps you'll return the favor? Keep blogging!!! I look forward to reading more for you!

    stop by sometime <3

    Xo Courtney Q || ColorMeCourtney.com

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Share your thoughts with me! I love hearing from my readers! beijos-Tiffany